Thursday, February 4, 2010

Time to break out the chocolate. Warning-Discussion of Reproductive Systems

Well today has definitely not been one of the best days. I am going to tell you upfront that I am in a funk as I write this blog. I am sad, a little scared, grumpy and generally mopey. I am also going to talk frank about "female issues" so if you are sensitive to that, stop right here and come back later.

I went to my OB/Gyn today. I have essentially been having bleeding since I delivered the twins about 14 months ago. We did a D&C and it only helped for a few weeks. It was not always heavy, but it was almost always there. Sometimes it would stop for a day or two, but it always came back. Sometimes very, very heavy. Any activity would bring it on, when it was heavy I would be so tired and low energy. It was just not a pleasant way to live.

The problem that we ran into was that I have a clotting disorder. Any hormones I could take would greatly raise the risk of blood clots for me with potentially deadly consequences. So that ruled out being able to treat the bleeding with something like birth control pills.

Today my OB made the call that a hysterectomy was my last option. 3 days after Valentines Day I will lose the ability to have more children forever. I know I already had my tubes tied because I was informed the chances of me carrying another baby to term were not good at all and I couldn't face another loss. Deep down I always held a little sliver of hope that one day maybe 5 or 10 years from now there would be a break through with Incompetent Cervix that would allow me to have another child.

I know what I sound like, I have four kids, why would I want another one? I am not sure I do, but I don't want to know that it could never happen. I have loved every moment of the babies lives so far. All four of my children are such blessings and I am just frustrated that the option has been snatched away from me. I thought I wouldn't care, I had known it was coming, but I do. I can't even explain why I am so sad about it. I probably would never had tried to have another child, but at least the option was there. Now I am going to be sterile, before I'm even thirty. I just found out today, so maybe I just need a little time to adjust to the idea... I don't know. I have talked to a couple of other women who said they felt the same way so I guess I am not alone in this.

The good news is that my OB is going to do the surgery robotically (see picture below). It will mean a shorter recovery and less pain. I will still be fairly out of commision for around two week. I will also have lifting restrictions and driving restrictions. In addition, it will be my first overnight away from the babies.

I know this has been kind of a pity party, but it feels good to get it out. I am sure I will do better once I have had some time to suck it up. In the meantime, time to break out some chocolate.

The DaVinci Hysterectomy


Kelli said...

Did you know that there are support groups for women who have had hysterectomies? It might be helpful.
Did your doctor say anything about leaving in your ovaries. I understand it's important so that your body chemistry doesn't get all messed up (or more messed up).
On the bright side; you'll feel better and so you'll get to be a better mom to your kids.

Stephanie Shaw said...

Thanks Kelli, I will check into those. Yes, we are leaving the ovaries. Mostly because I cannot take estrogen without running the risk of blood clots. I am doing better focusing on the positive today. I think I am adjusting. Thanks for the comment!