Immanuel-God With Us

Merry Christmas! I will post pics and stuff later, but today I want to focus on the real reason for the season. The birth of Jesus Christ. "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel." (NIV)
Thank you so much for your sacrifice. By coming to earth and becoming flesh you have given all of us a chance to be saved from the fires of hell. There is nothing we could ever do to deserve this gift. Thank you Lord for the best gift anyone will ever recieve. Happy Birthday Jesus Christ. My Savior, Wonderful Counselor, Immanuel, Sheperd of Men, and the Lamb of God.

Milking It

It is time for us to make the transition from formula to milk for the babies. It is not going smoothly. For one, they just don't seem to like it. They will reluctantly drink it, but not with the same zest ot volume as formula. Two, poor Mina who has suffered with chronic constipation from birth is having a hard time digesting it. We had switched to a lactose-free formula and had been doing soy milk and that had seemed to really clear it up. Now that we had added whole milk to her diet it is back. I have put in a call to the doctor to see where he wants us to go from here. The other problem is that they are just not ready to give up the bottle completely. They will drink out of a sippy cup, but they still need a bottle to go to bed with. Noah especially will cry for a bottle when he gets tired. Now I am not in too big of a hurry to get rid of the bottles because they were 5 weeks early and so I figure it doesn't have to be as soon as they turned a year old. Also, these are my last babies and I am so sad to let go the bottle phase.

These are the things I will miss the most.

-Noah always leans n my chest, holds his bottle in his left hand, and grasps my shirt in his right. The whole time he is doing that, he lifts his right foot and twirls it in a circle. It is so sweet and I will miss this snuggle time so much.

-Mina lays in my arm and holds her bottle in her left hand and reaches up and lightly touches my face with her right hand.

-When Noah is done with his bottle, he snuggles up close and holds my shirt and just has the most contented look on his face. He just acts like being in my arms is the best possible thing that could happen to him at that moment.

-When Mina is done with her bottle she lays back and starts cooing and babbling at me. She will coo and then laugh at whatever she babbles and just flash me the most heart-melting grin.

This time is so precious to me, even if it falls in the middle of the night. I will miss it so much when it is gone, so I am in no hurry to wean them off of the bottle. The doctor said in most cases, the baby will let you know when they are ready. I know my nephew Zach did that. So for now I am just not going to rush it. I am just going to sit back and milk it for all that it is worth.

Christmas Traditions

This has been a really good week. We went this week and had all of the kiddos pictures taken with Santa Clause. We went to the mall and it went as well as can be expected. Noah and Mina were not thrilled with the funny dressed stranger and James and Linda loved it. Then we went to Candyopolis and let james and Linda pick a treat. They were like kids in a candy store (hah!). Then we went to Village Inn for dinner and the kids had funny faces and hot chocolate and then we came home and watched Christmas specials. We have also had family Wii time, put up all the decorations, made stockings, and had homemade hot at home. We have also driven around looking at Christmas lights several times. Just good family times and making memories. Here are some pictures for you to enjoy. =)

Correction

I didn't find out until after I posted the blog about Linda being chosen aas one of the most caring students in her school that Jamie was also chosen as well. His teacher called to tell me the news and thanked me for raising such caring children. It is nice to have someone tell you that you are doing something right instead of butting in with their input on what they think you are doing wrong. I get so frustrated when that happens. Now my friends that spend a lot of time with the kids and I can talk about stuff like that, but if you are someone who hardly ever sees the kids, or never has them by themselves, then you don't know enough to judge. I try really hard to remember that myself. For example, if I see a parent jump all over their child for something that seems kind of small I try to think about all the times people might have thought that about me. Usually what they didn't see was the 10 times I had asked my kids to do something or stop doing something before you got there and by the time you go there I was completly frustrated and my kids had exhausted their warnings. I remember one time about a year ago Linda had lied to me. I knew she was lying (her teacher had called me), she knew I knew she was lying but kept proceeding to lie. I finally told her she had to stay in her room until she felt like telling the truth. Now company came over that night and of course Linda sits in her room and milks if for all it is worth, crying (no real tears though) and whining, and just acting pitifully. The company proceeds to jump all over me about how seven year olds don't know that they are lying and blah, blah, blah until I get mad and snap at my company. What the company didn't know was that it was the third time that week Linda had lied about the same thing, or that within five minutes after they left when Linda realized the crying wasn't getting her anywhere, she told the truth and got to come out. So again I think it comes down to the old adage, do not judge unless you have walked a mile or twenty in the parent's shoes. If the chold is not being physically abused, starved, beaten, neglected, or similiar things, then don't judge. Also don't harp on someone if you are not willing to be part of the solution. For example, don't harp on me about my kiddos having to go to daycare with strangers while I worked if you stayed at home and could have watched them but didn't want to have interference in your own life. This is a example of if you are not willing to be part of the solution, then don't put your two cents in about the problem. I also can personally gaurantee you that nobody is harder on us than Jake and I are on ourselves. You have no idea how many nights we lie awake trying to figure out what we should be doing differently. I will get off of my soapbox now, I just had a family member who told me something someone had said to them in judgement and it made me angry and since my blog tends to reflect my mood at the time of posting there you have it. I look forward to all of the e-mails and facebook comments I recieve. i am quite sure there are people put there who share my feelings on this subject.

So proud

Every two months the kid's school holds an assembly and picks the two students in the school to honor which best dispayed the character trait chosen for those two months. For November and December the character trait was caring, and guess what...Linda has been chosen as one of the two students in the school who best dispay this quality! She doesn't know, it is supposed to be a secret until the school announces it. She will be honored in front of the whole school on Monday. I am so proud. It really shows how much progress she has made, I feel like I could burst from pride. Go Linda!

12 Month Well Baby Check Up

Today I took Noah and Mina to their 12 month well baby check up. They are right on track developmentally. Noah is walking everywhere and the doctor said Mina has the muscles to walk, she will just do it in her own time. They are both in the mid to upper sixtieth percentile for height and weight. This is amazing since one year ago their percantiles were under 2%. They had to get their shots and I was so glad Kimmie came to help because all four kids had to have shots and that would have been so hard to manage on my own. The babies had their normal immunizations and the kids and I had H1N1 and seasonal flu shots. Ouch! Anyways, all is normal. I wanted to share these pics Becky did for the babies' birthday. They are awesome and I love them.

Birthdays and Baptisms

Wow, what a weekend. Noah and Mina had a fabulous birthday and a full house for the party. They have so many new toys and gifts to enjoy. Jamie and Linda were baptized on Sunday and Brittany's birthday party was Saturday. My family was in town and I got to enjoy my sisters company. The cakes came out wonderful and it was just so much fun. I made (with Becky and Kimmie's help) fleece Snoopy blankets for the babies. This had special meaning for me because when I was a baby my blankie was Snoopy and I slept with it every night until I was way too old for a blanket. A special thanks to Becky, Kimmie, Brittany, Jordan and Anna for helping decorate cakes, make blankets, and wrap presents. Enough with the talk, I will get to the part everyone wants to see...the pictures! There are a lot so enjoy.

Happy Birthday Babies!

Happy Birthday to my sweet little miracles! I can't believe they are a year old already. I am so blessed and proud to be their mom. You and your brother and sister make our life complete. I love everything about you Noah, from your red hair, to your charming grin, to you loving personality. To my Mina, I love your sweet smile, your snuggly-ness, and your strong will. I love you both so much. Here are some then and now pics for a trip down memory lane-complete with shots of you being hams. I love you!

What is 1-4?

We had a great Thanksgiving. I made a meal with all of the trimmings and we had family over 3 nights in a row for games. Jake's cousins and I played Super Mario Bros. on the Wii and laughed until our stomachs hurt and tears were rolling down our faces. The next day Kimmie and I braved Black Friday sales for some great deals on warm clothes for all of my kiddos. The only down side was the babies' came down with Fifth Disease. It causes a rash, mild fever, and runny nose. The doctor had us give them Tylenol and Benedryl which meant lots of great sleep for the whole family. It was glorious.

Preparations are under way for the babies' first birthday bash. Thursday night Jake's cousins are coming over to help. Jake and Becky will decorate the cakes that I made and Kimmie and I are making no sew fleece snoopy blankets for the babies. I had a Snoopy baby blanket when I was a baby so I want them to have the same. I wanted to make them a giant cupcake cake, but the pan was $30 and nowhere near as big as I thought it would be. I ended up finding a Gingerbread Man pan and I will make them a little boy shaped cake, and a little girl shaped cake. Mina's is strawberry with cream cheese frosting and Noah's is chocolate with butter cream frosting. I will post lots of pics after the big event.

Here are some pictures of Thanksgiving. There is also a short video of Noah and Mina a little tipsy from the Benedryl. I know that there are not pics of Jamie and Linda. I didn't think about it until later, but they were downstairs playing video games with the other kids while we were upstairs. I will do better next time.

Block party

With Thanks

I have so many things to be thankful for. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. He is the kind of man every woman should have and a wonderful father. You can see that in the way the kids light up when he is home. I am thankful that he has a job in this economy and I am thankful for the time I have had with my children. I am also very thankful for unemployment that has kept us floating these last six months.

I am so thankful for my friends and family. In paticular my wonderful sisters who keep me feeling young. For Kimmie who shows me how to be more Christlike with her her selflessness and the way she gives so much of herself to others without expecting anything in return. For Aunt Rhonnie who is always there with love and advise and an ear to listen. For Becky who is such a strong woman and is teaching me to be the same. For Dianne who is the Thelma to my Louise and who is always there to talk, sometimes for hours a day. I would do anything for you guys. For the rest of my family and friends who have supported us so much these past couple of years.

I am so thankful for my church family and the way I always feel at home when I am with them. I am so thankful for each of my children who bless me in so many different ways. I am thankful to our family counselor who has made such a difference in our family and is cementing all of us together. Most of all I am thankful to my Savior who loves me unconditionally in a way I could never earn. I am thankful for His mercy and the lessons he teaches me everyday. So much to be thankful for, I am truly blessed.

We Had A Ball

This weekend we went to the ball. Us girls were characters out of Alice in Wonderland-with our own spin of course. It was a great time and I have lots of pictures so here goes.

Video Blog

A wonderful relative has given us a super nice camcorder. Thank you so much, we love you!It is the kind that allows you to upload video to the computer, ours was an old one requiring video tapes. So without further ado, for the first time I will post videos. I have something for everyone. Kid's dancing, Noah walking, babies fighting, and more. So sit back and enjoy.

Mason's Story-The Aftermath Part 2

The funeral plans were made. We were asked if we wanted a viewing or an open casket and we said no. I did not think I was strong enough to see my son like that. The next day was the day before Thanksgiving. I was to drop off music for the service. I went by myself because I was just feeling smothered by family and Jake. All I wanted to do was curl in a ball and be alone with my grief. The original plan was that my mother would go to the funeral home later that day to view Mason and make sure he was tucked in with the blankets we had bought for him and basically put my mind at ease that he was warm and secure in his casket. When I went to drop off the music for the funeral, the director told me that Mason was in the viewing room and I could see him if I changed my mind. I am not sure what compelled me to do so, but all of the sudden the need to see him again became stronger than almost any feeling I had ever had before.

The director had me wait outside while she readied him. She led me into the room and left quietly shutting the door behind her. I slowly made my way to the tiny, pearl white casket and look inside. There was Mason looking so peaceful and beautiful, like a perfect little sleeping doll. I hesitantly lifted my hand and stroked his cheek with my index finger. His cheek felt so cold against my finger and I broke down as a wave of grief came over me. I knelt down on the floor, rested my forehead on his casket and just wept for my son. The pain in my chest was indescribeable. I cried until no more tears would come. My body felt dry, completely devoid of moisture.

I gathered my strength, both physical and emotional and stood up. I leaned over and lightly brushed a kiss on the top of Mason's head. I soaked in his face, his lips, his little bit of red hair. I lifted the blanket and held his tiny little hand. His perfect hand. I held his hand and marveled at his perfectly formed finger nails. I felt such a need to memorize every detail. I knew I would not be able to come back and do this another day. The funeral director came back in and asked me if I wanted to hold him. I very much wanted to, but I had been gone a long time and I knew my family would be worried about me. I told her I would go home-about 3 miles away and come back after I let my family know where to find me.

I went home and my mother and Jake seemed concerned about the state they found me in. I am sure I was a sight with my eyes all swollen and my face tear streaked. I told them I had seen Mason and they were concerned. They thought I wasn't going to see him. I tried to explain why I had to, but they were just so concerned about my mental state at that time. I tried to get Jake to come to the funeral home with me, but he refused. He did not want to see his son like that. I remember feeling resentment at him for missing such an important thing. I realize now he was coping the best he could. He and my mother kept telling me they did not think it was such a good idea to hold him. They were worried that he would not feel like I remember and Jake says he was worried that it would further unravel my already fragile mental state. I tried to argue but Jake begged me not to, for him he said. I finally consented. I know they were trying to look out for me, but I regret not holding him to this day.

I returned to the funeral home about eleven in the morning. I would stay there all day with my son until they closed at eight in the evening. There is still much to tell about that day in another post. Right now I need some time.

Whole Again

The week is slowly dragging on. Each day the grief seems to intensify. Thursday is Mason's birthday. I have been having nightmares again. They were really bad for the first six months or so, then they seemed to fade, but every year they seem to return around the anniversary of his birth/death. It makes for a very tired mom. I am thankful for family and friends that remember and spend time with me just talking about him and making sure I know they are here for us. During the day it is not as bad, the kids keep me busy, but nights are hard and seem to drag on forever. I get so frustrated when people say something like, well you have Noah and Mina now like that fixes everything. Don't get me worng, I am so blessed by each and every one of my children, but there is still a hole in my heart, and a family member missing. There is a song that says "Can we not wait one more hour, watching for our savior?" That is so true, I cannot wait until the day my family is reunited and whole again.

2 Years.....

2 years ago today began the worst week of my life. 2 years ago today I was put into the hospital and told that Mason would not survive. IC stole something from me. This whole week is incredibly painful, but honestly better than I thought it would be two years ago. 2 years ago I honestly thought I would never have peace in my heart again. I literally was drowning in my own grief. I have still cried every day for several days now. I am still heartbroken. I am still homesick for heaven because I cannot wait to be reunited with my son, but I am least functionable. There are times when I am even happy. There are times when I laugh...and mean it instead of laughing because I know people worried about me when I didn't. I can hold Noah now and not constantly be wondering if that is what Mason would have looked like at that age. If you are looking for chipper blogs, don't come here for the next week or so, I am not that healed. For at least the next week, my mind is elsewhere and my heart is heavy. Those of you who I know have experianced the same thing will understand. All of my other dear readers please be patient with me, I need it right now. And while you are at it, say some prayers for Jake and I.