My Baby Sister is All Grown Up

This past week we made the long, and I do mean long, trip to Missouri to watch my baby sister graduate high school. We got to have time with family and enjoy some cool sights along the way. The highlight was when we went with Aunt Anna, Aunt Karen, and Uncle Josh to Montauk state park. We waled around, fed the fish in the hatchery, and had dinner in the lodge. Jamie and Linda had a lot of fun at the pond my parents have made on their land. They caught a bunch of tadpoles and frogs that sadly did not seem to survive the ride home. I cannot believe how much my sisters have grown up. Noah and Mina had a great time chasing my sister's poor little dog. Mina had such a good time that she has asked every day to go to "doggy's house". Here are some pictures, some of them I cannot take credit for because I am a terrible person who did not get much pictures.

Aunt Anna All Grown Up



The Arch in St. Louis





Montauk Hatchery

Mother's Day

This can be a hard day for mother's who have lost a child, no matter how long ago, how old the child was, or if they have any other children. Another website printed the Top 10 Things Grieving Mothers Want Most on Mother's Day. I thought it was very appropriate.

1. Recognize that they are a Mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a simple Mother's Day card to let them know you remember that they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.

2. Acknowledge that they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you today." Removing the wall of silence gives a grieving mother permission to talk about her child.

3. Use their child's name in conversation: Saying the name of a child who has died is like music to a grieving mothers ears. One mother suggested, "Say his name and ask me my fondest memory of him from past Mother's Days".

4. Plant a living memorial: This is a wonderful day to plant a tree or flower bulbs in memory of the child. This is something that will live on as a beautiful reminder in the years to come.

5. Visit the Gravesite: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's gravesite and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.

6. Light a Candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.

7. Share a Memory or Pictures of the Child: Give the precious gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heart felt letter about my child and your most lovely moments with them".

8. Send a Gift of Remembrance: Many mothers suggested appropriate gifts of remembrance that would bring them comfort. These items included: an angel statue, a piece of jewelry, a memory box, a memorial candle, a picture frame, a library book donation, an ornament, memorial poetry, anything personalized with the child's name or a date, books on grief, a garden stone or a toy donation in the child's name.

9. Don't try to minimize their loss: Avoid using any cliches that attempt to explain the death of a child. ( "God needed another angel.") Secondly, don't try to find anything positive about the loss ( "You still have two healthy children" or "She's in a better place").

10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered and take her mind off of her grief for an hour or two.

http://www.funeral-poems.com/grieving-mothers.htm

Spring Break

It was kind of a lousy weather week here during spring break. There was cold, rain, snow, and sleet. I felt very sorry for the kiddos who spent the whole week cooped indoors bored. I had a three day weekend at work for the holiday so we decided to take the kiddos into Milwaukee for an overnight visit. We stayed at a hotel that had a little waterpark in it and then the next day we went to a hands on science center. The kids had a great time and it was nice to get out as a family. The Discovery Zone was positively huge and located right on Lake Michigan which is the biggest body of water my family has ever seen. It made for a very fun day and some really neat pictures.

Look who finally has hair!

30 Years and Counting

Jake and I both had our birthdays this month. I turned the dreaded 30 and Jake turned 31. We had a good time celebrating a night out with friends. My coworkers decorated by cubicle with lots of 30 confetti and streamers and even a little princess crown and tiara. It was not the same as if we were celebrating at home, but it was very nice to feel so loved and welcomed here. This place is starting to feel more and more like home.

My Cubicle



My Princess Crown

Jake's Toy Store

We have been trying to explore our new territory. About thirty minutes away ther is the biggest Cabellas that I have ever seen. As you can imagine, Jake was eager to check it out. So one Saturday we loaded the kids into the van and headed out to check it out. The kids had a total blast especially my 31 year old kid. The nice things about Cabellas is that they have plenty of stuff to look at even for those of us who are not really into that stuff. It was still a nice, cheap adventure.

Hockey Night

A few weeks ago, the local hockey team hosted a free night for my work. We decided to take the kiddos and see how it went. It went ok, although all of the loud noises scared Noah pretty bad. Mina just sat in her stoller and ate her hot dog without a care in the world. Jamie loved every minute of it. He is so athletic and loves all things sports. Linda liked pretending to be a cheerleader. Jake and Jamie both got almost gleeful everytime somebody would get slammed into the glass. It made for some good pictures to share with you guys.

Linda enjoying her hotdog, she is so pretty.



Noah seeking safety from Daddy



Whoa...



Still not too sure about this..




The other three kids thought it was great fun.

Binkys and Potty Training

We are moved into the house and getting settled. Along with getting settled came two woes. One, it is time to take away the pacifiers, and two, the dreaded potty training. Both are going aw well as can be expected. The babies have been only using the pacifiers at bedtime, but now we are trying to wean from that. There is an interest in potty training, but it is more miss than hit. We have not moved them into underwear yet because we want to give them a little more time to adjust to the new house, but we do take them everytime they say they need to. We have one to two successes each day from them, more from Noah than Mina, but it is a good start. They just turned two in December so I think we are right on track.

Jamie and Linda are much happier in their own rooms. They have already made friends in the neighborhood. The house to the left of us has three boys, and the one on the right has two boys. We actually hit 50 degrees on Saturday so they spent the whole day outside playing. I thought maybe Spring was on the way, but I guess not since it is sleeting and snowing today with highs in the twenties and thirties this week. That is it for now, Noah just announced he needed to go to the potty. More next time.

Poor birds

Jake has been living it up in the great North. He has made friends with men from my work and recently got to experiance the joys of pheasant hunting. Now I just have to learn how to cook pheasant, or at least try it. Here are some pics of Jake on his recent quest.

Our New Home

After months of living in a temporary apartment, we are finally counting down the days until we move into our new home. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful to my company for providing the apartment, but four children in an apartment is just for the birds.

We are so excited about our new home. We cannot believe we found one in our price range that is this nice. It is four bedroom and one full bath and one partial bath. It has a beautiful fireplace and sits on three lots with lots of trees. The neatest part, we could literally throw a football and hit the lake. Yes it sits right on a back street with a view of the lake across the street. It also has lake access. Too bad we don't have a boat, but I know a great place to get a boat motor if I ever do LOL. Here are some pictures of the new place.

"Tactor Dad, Tactor!"

Of Snow and Sturgeons

Here are some of the pictures I have been promising from our time here so far. Jake got to go Sturgeon Spearing this past weekend. He had a blast! Sturgeon spearing is unlike any other fishing you have ever done. For starters, you are not allowed to use a pole or a line. You have to spear the fish with a Triton. Second, there is a season to it, just like deer hunting or things like it. The sturgeon can weigh as much as 190 lbs., and be 6-8 feet in length. The ones in the pictures are over 100 lbs. and about 70+ inches long. One person in Jake's group caught a 67 inch, 94 lb. sturgeon. The fish and game here send the fishermen a card in the male that tells their sturgeons height and weight, and how old they are. Some of them are well over 100 years old. The pictures of the fish were taken as Jake and I went to the local hang out where the men hang up and compare their catch. It was amazing. Jake has several family members booked to come next year.

The rest of the pictures explain themselves. Lots and lots of snow, and bundled up babies. I hope you enjoy them because it took me forever to post them so it may be awhile before I do it again.


My Snow Babies





The Snow is Almost to the Roof!




The Hole in the Ice.




The Shack about two miles out on the ice




Sunrise on the Lake



The Giant Sturgeon

Happy Valentines Day, My Love

Today is one of those holidays to celebrate the ones you love. I am truly blessed to have the husband that I have. I love him with all of my heart and soul. He is truly my soulmate, the other half of me. He loves me more than I deserve and fights for me whenever he needs to. I come first in his life and he in mine. I like to think it is truly the kind of gift God had in mind when he ordained marriage. He and I have been through one of the worst losses a wife or husband can go through other than the loss of each other, the loss of a child. While very few people understand the level of grief that it brings, and the strain it puts on a marriage, somehow we came through intact and still in love. I love you with everything I am Jacob.

How He Loves US

I am a firm believer that music speaks to your soul, that music can affect your mood, and that the right music can touch you in ways you never imagined. You know the effect when you smell a certain scent and you are transported back in time to a memory? I am that way with music. Certain songs take me back and invoke strong feelings good or bad.

On the way home tonight the song "Cry Out to Jesus" by Third Day came on. That is one of the songs that we played at Mason's funeral. We picked it because we wanted to show that no matter the problem, you can Cry Out to Jesus, He is there and willing to hold us through our sorrows. But, no matter the intent, the song still brings feelings of despair, grief, and the most intense soul-wrenching sorrow I have ever felt, and hopefully will ever feel and the feelings that instantly came over me were so intense I almost had to pull over. My eyes instantly welled up and a pain came over my heart. I wept. I wept for my son whom was gone too soon, I wept for the fact that I am several states away from his gravesite, and I wept for parts of my heart that were shattered when he died in my arms three years ago. Just as I was sinking into my own grief, the song ended and another song came on.

How He Loves

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
And all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
And all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh how He loves us, oh
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves
Oh how He loves

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves
Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

Yeah He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, think about those words. I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. Oh my God, you loved me so much that the weight of your love had power of the deepest grief. Oh my God, you loved me so much that even when I wished deep inside that I could just give up and be with my youngest son, the power of your Glory raised me from the emotional grave, you held out your hand and pulled me up back into the world of the living. I was drawn to redemption by the grace in your eyes. I found not only the will to survive, but joy again all because the weight of your love made by afflictions become eclipsed by your glory. Your glory....your glory...YOUR GLORY.

How He loves us....how he loves us....Hallelujah, he loves us. Praise you God for the love and grace you show us. Thank you Jesus for holding me in my grief. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice that has power over death and allows us to have hope of being reunited. There will be no more sorrow, no more pain, and no more suffering. Those things will have passed away. And finally, thank you my Lord for loving me in a way no other being could. How He loves us, was there ever a greater gift?