Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It is that time of year again. Fall has always been my favorite time of year. I loved the leaves turning, the cheesy Halloween television specials, and the nip in the air. I still love all of those things, but now fall also brings with it new feelings. Now fall brings the anniversary of Mason's passing. So while sometimes I can enjoy all the things I used to, but there is always something lingering in my mind. Now the fall decorations I buy are fall flowers to put in the vase on Mason's headstone. When I am buying costumes for the kids I am also buying a new animal to place on his grave. When I see spooky decorations lit up at night, it reminds me that I need to buy batteries for the solar lights on Mason's headstone.

I have healed enough that I can at least find some enjoyment in the things I used to love about fall, but there is always the little twinge of grief behind my eyes. It is strange to see how grief changes us as mothers. Even the ordinary is somehow connected to our loss. I know it will continue to change with time, but I actually am glad it is this way. I know that I, as Mason's mother, feel like his memory is always with me, and that in some small way brings me peace. So if this post touches you maybe as you do your fall things you can drop a prayer for grieving parents everywhere this year.