A horrible thing to miss

I think only the other mommies who share my journey in grief might understand this. I moved to a different state a year ago. My son is buried in my home state. This sound a little crazy, but I miss his gravesite.

I know that seems like an odd thing to say, but try to see it from my perspective. When your child is gone, your feeling as a mother are not. You still have the same need to take care of him or her as you would any living child. The feeling does not go away, even years after. As the mother of a child who is with God, I was left wrestling with the need to be his mother here on earth. The only way I could still "take care" of him was through his gravesite.

I visited it almost daily. I picked weeds, changed decorations, brushed off leaves, and wiped the dust off. I would pray, cry, talk to him, and sometimes just sit and let the quiet ease my soul. I crave that time now. I know that I am blessed with great friends and family who care for it in my absense, but I am still left with the feeling of "What do I do now?......."

The Birds and the Bees

So let me set the scene. I had just gotten home from work. I got in comfy clothes, kissed everyone hello, and was just settling down with a drink for what I thought was a relaxing evening and then BAM!, it came from left field. "Mom", Jamie asked, "Did they cut the skin off of my penis when I was born?"

Whoa, whoa, what???!!!

"You know", he continued, "Do I have a circumcised penis?"

I am pretty sure the following is an accurate representation of my face.




I am also pretty sure that the following is an accurate representation of Jake's face as he realized he just dodged a bullet.




To continue with the story, I fumbled along the best I could under the circumstances. It turns out this week is the Human Growth and Development classes. I had signed the slip weeks ago eager to pawn off that task on someone else, but I had forgotten all about it being this week. I am so not old enough to be dealing with this! To top it all off, today is only Tuesday, there are still three more days of progressively more complicated stuff to come. I think now may be a good time to take up drinking....

No More Baby Curls and my favorite photo

I wanted to share with you my picture of Noah's haircut, and my favorite picture from our visit home.